My Soliloquy...

Sometimes it's important to remember that we are not now, nor will we ever be, the center of the wheel. Especially in the workplace. But it doesn't keep some of us (well, okay, me) from whining about it. And I whine (oh, how I whine!) even though I have a wonderful job, in a wonderful department, at a wonderful college. I'm grateful that I can't even imagine how it must be to work somewhere that is truly awful. I know how lucky I am, but I'm in rare form and feeling feisty, so today, between trips to the water cooler, I composed the following that I call:

Soliloquy for the Seriously Cynical Slacker (um...that would be, again, ME!)

Note: The houselights dim and a spotlight shines on my solitary figure on stage. I look heavenward and begin:

Woe is me!

Behold! I am the Middle. Verily I say unto you: I am the peanut butter twixt dysfunctional slices of Upper Managerial Bread. Yea, even the Crusts crush my soft interior and stand at idle attention, grimacing at my precarious position til they flake and fall...littering the carpet with their Crumbs. I cry out in despair - such utter despair, "Whither goest yon Jolly Jelly that might stand nigh and be a friend? Whither??? And, if there be not a Jolly Jelly, might not step forward some small trifling speck of Frivolous Fat to butter my pride and sooth, in meager measure, my exquisite pain? Am I nuttin' but a forsaken go-between ? A placeholder?? A schmuck???"

Alas and alack this be my fate, for no one careth whether I be Smooth or Chunky...nor even whether I need be stirred to make mine oils as one with mine solid nuttiness...

Note: Speech completed, I swoon and die with great drama... the lights dim, the crowd is momentarily silent with awe. As the crowd bursts into thunderous applause, I bow. Then they Stand. For my performance and the Truth of the Words. They stand..every last one of the audience stands. Aaaaaaaah....

What's life without a little whining and drama, 'eh?